Before, I'm really enthusiast to go to school even though it's very tiring. I didn't really know why some hate school because they say it makes them feel more sh**. But now, I've realized and knew already what they are talking about. School's good because you can learn however, it's also bad because it can also make you miserable.
Now, I'm starting a new school year and ending its first out of ten months for my Senior year. I'm just praying to survive this because I'm really afraid.
Many happened in just a month. I was in a class of hetero people. I have knew my new teachers and also new lessons learned. As a Senior, it was expected to be busy and exhausting but I didn't know it will be more than my expectations. I asked myself, it's still the first semester and it's already like this, how much more to the next few months? I felt a pang of nervous as I thought in myself.
However, I'm doing great in my studies. I even run in our student council but unfortunately, I lost. It's okay though I know God has better plans for me and He doesn't want to stress me out so much more. :)
But I have just this problem now, issues about the people around me. I feel so little and nothing. I'm tired of trying and just get nothing out of it. I'm afraid I'm back again just like before. I'm so afraid now. I'm back also in forgetting things and it's getting worse again. I always feel like I need to prove myself to others and thinking what others thinking about me.
I avoided to things that will hurt me as much as possible. I tried to mingle with everyone but in the end, I just hurt myself. I wanted to be with the people around me in the school but I just can't fit in to them. I just can't tolerate how they are and I'm not enough for them so I isolate myself to more people and just go with the true people who knew me.
I wanted to have a nice school year and achieve more this year. I really wanted to. But how could I just do it? Now, I just trust God in everything. I'm surrendering all to Him. Those people I avoided still went across my mind and thought how they feel about what I'm acting right now. I'm also hurting to avoid them but I needed to decrease the pain I will feel.
Now, I'm looking forward for my second month which many events will come also. My exams, intramurals, and the town fiesta is fast approaching. It's still busy though hopefully I can still survive and manage it. School's really for better or for worse. :)